Dear Mr. Kool-Aid Man,
Please stop bustin' through my fence. I've rebuilt it four times already; and every time I get it finished, some wise guy yells "Hey, Kool-Aid!" I don't think it's very funny.
P.S. - Please desist. I am neither hot nor thirsty.
P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'd like to have it to show the authorities, should you do any more damage to my property.
Dear Weasel McPuppy,
Thanks for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience.
We always like to acknowledge when customers provide us with information that can help us serve you better.
I'll make sure to forward your information onto the appropriate staff.
Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.
Associate Director, Customer Relations
A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:
Thanks for the letter. However, if you really wanted to serve me better, you'd put a leash on that anthropomorphic pitcher of yours.
Weasel McPuppy is a real dog, and the posts below are real letters sent from her to celebrities via snail mail. A self-addressed stamped envelope was included with each letter to encourage a reply. If and when Weasel receives a response, the post will be updated with the full correspondence.