To William Shatner

Dear Mr. Shatner,

I bought a Captain Kirk action figure, but it wasn't anatomically correct. Please send me a replacement.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you can't mail me a new action figure, please send me your picture instead. I've enclosed my picture.


The Reply:


Dear Friend,

It has always been my desire to be able to speak directly to you who have so generously supported my career over the years. Unfortunately, time and distance make this almost impossible. Nonetheless, I want you to know how very much I do appreciate your letters and your love.

In this world today with so much hurt and strife we need to reach out more than ever to one another, to make the connection, and that's we (sic) try to do through my fan club, Shatner & Friends International, and through my website at WilliamShatner.com. We reach out to each other in friendship. Through the Club we can talk, exchange ideas and I can keep you apprised of my latest activities.

Thank you again for writing and I look forward to continuing friendships. Be happy.

My Best,

William Shatner


A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Shatner, for the puppy-sized photo. I'm not sure how joining a fan club will help improve this world today with so much hurt and strife, but you probably know better than I do. I am just a little doggy, and you are a starship captain.

Live long and prosper,

Weasel McPuppy

To Tim Allen

Dear Santa,

I was a good little girl this year, and what did you leave in my stocking? Bupkis. What's up with that, fat man?

Disappointed,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. It won't make up for the lack of presents, but it's a start.


The Reply:


A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Santa, for the autographed photo. Have you lost weight?

Johnny Depp Responds

I also received a response from some actor named Johnny Depp. You may have heard of him.

To read my letter to Mr. Depp and to see his reply, click here--> Link

Zach Galifianakis Responds

I received two responses in the mail today. The first is from the hilarious stand-up comedian Zach Galifianakis. Remember that name if you can.

To read my letter to Mr. Galifianakis and his reply, click here--> Link

To Garry Trudeau

Dear Mr. Trudeau,

Your comic strip is more insightful than anything found on the editorial pages of the newspaper, but it doesn't lend itself very well to merchandising. Maybe you should add a cute animal sidekick.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I hear Maltese doggies are very cute. You could even name the character Weasel if you wanna.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture; or a drawing would be just as good.

Don Rickles Responds

Today I received a reply from my hero, Mr. Warmth himself, Don Rickles!

To read my letter to Mr. Rickles and to see his response, please click here--> Link

To Tom Cruise

Dear Mr. Cruise,

You were very convincing as the Lucky Charms guy in Far and Away. Are you really a leprechaun? You can tell me. I promise I won't steal your gold.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Tom Cruise isn't a very good leprechaun name. Did you change it? I think you look more like a Paddy O'Taters.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe a four-leaf clover.

Joan Rivers Responds

Today I received my coolest response yet from Ms. Joan Rivers.

To read my letter to Ms. Rivers and to see her reply, click here--> Link

To Goldie Hawn

Dear Ms. Hawn,

I'm glad to see that you had your Laugh-In tattoos removed. I hope it wasn't too painful.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also hear you are a Jewish Buddhist. That is very smart of you--more holidays!

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without the tattoos.

To Jay Leno

Dear Mr. Leno,

I hear you own over fifty cars. How many butts do you have?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe one of your extra cars.

To Zach Galifianakis

Dear Mr. Galifianakis,

You are super funny! You should be a big star, but you'll never be a household name with a moniker like "Zach Galifianakis." Have you thought about using a stage name? Here are some suggestions:

• Zack Galifianakis
• Jeb Galifianakis
• Biff Galifianakis
• Shecky Galifianakis
• Ignatz Galifianakis
  
• Galifianakis the Great
• Captain Ha-Ha

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You could always go by "Weirdo Beardo."

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. You can sign it any way you wanna.


The Reply:


My thoughts are with you.

Zach Galifianakis


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Galifianakis, for saying your thoughts are with me. However, since you have some pretty odd thoughts, that may not be entirely good.

Sally Field Responds

I also received a personalized autographed photo from Ms. Sally Field. Yippee!

To read my letter to Ms. Field and her response, click here --> Link

Eartha Kitt Responds

I received two replies today. The first was a very nice autographed picture of Ms. Eartha Kitt.

To see my original letter to Ms. Kitt and the reply, click here --> Link

To Keith Richards

Dear Mr. Richards,

I like your music, but I can't understand a word you say. Please enunciate. Is that so hard?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Maybe you should see a speech therapist.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed an autographed picture. Please send me an autographed picture. I sure hope your handwriting is better than your diction.

To Charo

Dear Charo,

What does "cuchi-cuchi" mean? I hope you aren't saying anything dirty.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You are a great guitar player. You don't need to work blue.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, and try not to write anything dirty on it.


The First Reply:


Dear Loyal Fan,

In regards to your request for an autographed picture of Charo, please send a self-addressed stamped envolope (sic) alon... $35.00 US if we provide the photo ($30.00 US to autograph your photo) PER ITEM, made out to:

Scott stander and Associates Client fund Account.

Indicate where and how you would like it signed.
our address is on the front of this postcard. (It wasn't.) please allow time to process the order.

www.scottstander.com

A Note From Weasel Regarding the First Reply:

Dear Charo,

I can see your booking agent needs to buy spell checking software, but maybe begging money off little doggies isn't the best way to get it. I wish you luck.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Why did you return my photo? Don't you like pictures of cute doggies?


The Second Reply:

To Weasel,

Love and cuchi-cuchi,

Charo


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Second Reply:

Dear Ms. Charo,

Thank you for the beautiful picture. It was well worth the wait (and the run around from Scott Stander). I knew all along that you weren't the one trying to extort money from a poor little doggy. If you see Mr. Stander, please kick him in the cuchi-cuchis for me.

Love,

Weasel

To Esther Williams

Dear Ms. Williams,

Are you part mermaid? Please let me know. I've got five bucks ridin' on it.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also like to do water ballet; but they won't let me in the public pool, because I'm a little doggy. I have to practice in a bucket.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, in or out of the water.


The Reply:



A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Williams for the lovely photo. I'm going to go fill up my bucket and practice some more.

To Doris Day

Dear Ms. Day,

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, "What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?" Here's what she said to me: "Ssh! Mommy's watching her stories. Now, freshen up my drink; will ya, hon?"

Que sera, sera,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I like the romantic comedies you made in the 1960's. You were the original 40-year-old virgin.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I hear you are very nice to little doggies.


The Reply:


For "Weasel" McPuppy

With my love, a kiss and a hug.

Doris Day

and my "Honey"


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Day. I heard right. You are very nice to little doggies.

To Kim Fields

Dear Tootie,

I really like saying "Tootie."

Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie.

Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie!

Your Friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Tootie, Tootie, Tootie!

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Tootie, Tootie.

To Subway

Dear Subway,

Why are you above ground?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me a picture of one of your meatball sandwiches. Better yet, just send me one of your meatball sandwiches.

Dame Judi Dench Responds

Today I received a reply from Dame Judi Dench mailed all the way from the England. I'm becoming very international.

To read my letter to Dame Judi and to see her response, click HERE.

HAIRCUT!!!

No letters today.

I got my hair cut.

Ain't I cute?

To Sam Raimi

Dear Mr. Raimi,

I just watched Spider-man 3. I'd like my 139 minutes back. Please invent a time machine or a youth serum or somethin'.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I enjoyed your other movies, even Crimewave. I guess, ya can't win 'em all.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture--maybe one of you sitting in "The Classic."

To Adam West

Dear Batman,

I want to be just like you. I've got a Weaselcave, a Weaselmobile, a Weaselcomputer, and I've got a Weaselcopter on order. All I need is some crime to fight. Do you have any overflow work?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You can contact me on the Weaselphone.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without the cowl.

To Lynda Carter

Dear Wonder Woman,

If I had a magic lasso that made people tell the truth, I'd use it on Dick Cheney. Hint, hint.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I can see you when you're flyin' around in your invisible plane. You're not foolin' anybody.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. Do I look like I could be an Amazon?


The Reply:


To Weasel

Love!
Lynda Carter


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Carter, for the lovely picture. If you threw your magic lasso around me, I'd have to admit that you are super cool!

To Geoffrey Rush

Dear Captain Barbossa,

If I had cursed Aztec gold that made me immortal, I'd run for Congress. No term limits! Would you vote for me?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe some cursed Aztec gold.


The Reply:


Weasel McPuppy!?

Best wishes,

Geoffrey Rush


A Note From Weasel McPuppy Regarding the Reply:


Two can play at that game, Mr. Rush. Many thanks for your imaginative response. Yarrr!

To Johnny Depp

Dear Mr. Depp,

You are kooky. Some people think that's a good thing; but I wouldn't try gettin' a job in a bank if I were you.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture--the kookier the better.


The Reply:


All good wishes --

Johnny Depp


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Depp. I hope your movies continue to do well, so you don't have to get a job in a bank.

Albert Brooks Responds

I received a reply today from Mr. Albert Brooks. Hooray!

I've updated the original post with his response. To read it, click here--> Link

To Sid Haig

Dear Mr. Haig,

Don't feel bad that you were rejected by the devil. It might turn out to be a good thing.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Even though I'm afraid of clowns, I think you're funny. That is, when you're not going on a kill-crazy rampage.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, in or out of the clown makeup.

To David Tennant

Dear Doctor,

Can you take me back in time to the day before my people had me fixed? We need to organize a rescue mission.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Thank you for saving the Earth from certain doom time and time again. You deserve a vacation (but I hope you don't take one).

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture before you regenerate.


The Reply:


To Weasel,

David Tennant


A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Doctor. This will be a nice memento of our adventures. By the way, I'm feeling much friskier now.

To Eartha Kitt

Dear Ms. Kitt,

I like to chase kitties. Do you still have the cat suit? Let's play.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Preferably one of you dressed up like a kitty.

P.P.S. - You were a Kitt cat. Do you like Kit Kats?


The Reply:



A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Kitt! You look very bendy.

Robin Williams Responds

I received my first personalized reply today from Mr. Robin Williams.

Mr. Williams, you are okay in my book.

I've updated the original post with the response. You can read it here--> Link

To Cindy Crawford

Dear Ms. Crawford,

You are a pretty lady from DeKalb; but you're not the prettiest lady from DeKalb.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'm from DeKalb.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Then we'll see who's the prettiest.

To Dick Van Dyke

Dear Mr. Van Dyke,

I would strongly suggest that you avoid ottomans in the future; 'cause at your age you could break a hip.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. It's the least you can do, because I had nightmares after watching the show where you lost your thumbs (and I don't even have thumbs).


The Reply:


Hi Weasel!

God Bless,

Dick Van Dyke


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Van Dyke. You'll be glad to know that I no longer have nightmares about you losing your thumbs. Now I have nightmares about a flying saucer that says "Uhny Uftz!"