To Kool-Aid Man

Dear Mr. Kool-Aid Man,

Please stop bustin' through my fence. I've rebuilt it four times already; and every time I get it finished, some wise guy yells "Hey, Kool-Aid!" I don't think it's very funny.

Sincerely,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Please desist. I am neither hot nor thirsty.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'd like to have it to show the authorities, should you do any more damage to my property.


The Reply:


Dear Weasel McPuppy,

Thanks for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience.

We always like to acknowledge when customers provide us with information that can help us serve you better.

I'll make sure to forward your information onto the appropriate staff.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,
Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Customer Relations
Ref: 18805597Y


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for the letter. However, if you really wanted to serve me better, you'd put a leash on that anthropomorphic pitcher of yours.

Sincerely,
18805597Y

Jerry Lewis Responds

Today I received a reply from Mr. "Hey Laaaaaaaaaady!"

To read my letter to Mr. Lewis and to see his fantastic response, click here-->Link

To Animal Planet

Dear Animal Planet,

I watch the Puppy Bowl every year, and I haven't seen a single Maltese. What gives? Are Maltese so awesome they would make the other puppies look bad?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - And what was with all the confetti during the Kitty Half-Time Show? It looked like Rip Taylor exploded.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please keep it in on file in case you need an adorable doggy around which to build a show. You can send me something in return if you wanna... preferably something delicious.


The Reply:


Dear Weasel,

Thank you for contacting Animal Planet. We appreciate your interest in Puppy Bowl V!

For the first time ever, all of our puppy athletes were from local shelters, and thankfully, every puppy was adopted into a good home following the filming of Puppy Bowl in the fall.

Since all the "participants" were from local shelters, we do not have the ability to choose the breeds seen on the show. This might explain the lack of Maltese on the show.

For additional information on Puppy Bowl and its participants, please visit www.animalplanet.com

Sincerely,

Viewer Relations
Animal Planet


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for taking the time to write back to a little doggy. I salute your good work. Keep fighting the good fight!

To Julie Andrews

Dear Ms. Poppins,

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but what if that medicine is insulin? I bet ya didn't think of that, Miss Practically Perfect.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Nannying is great and all; but maybe you should focus your magical powers on the financial crisis or the turmoil in the Middle East.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. As you can see, I'm also practically perfect in every way.


The Reply:


Sincerely,
Julie Andrews


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for the lovely picture, Ms. Andrews. You are practically perfect in every way.

To Jerry Lewis

Dear Mr. Lewis,

I think your pantomime scenes are brilliant. You should shut up more often.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I meant that as a compliment, but I'm not sure it came out right. I really think your idiocy is unsurpassed.

P.P.S. - I don't think that came out right either. Oh well. I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.


The Reply:


To Weasel--
from Paulie--
(& his Dad, Jerry Lewis)
'09


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Hey Paaaaauuuullliiieee! Did I sound like your daddy?

Thank you for the great picture, and please thank your daddy as well.

To Patty Duke

Dear Ms. Duke,

Does a hot dog still make you lose control? That sounds kinda dirty.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - French fries make me lose control.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture... and maybe one of your identical cousin.

To Billy Bob Thornton

Dear Bad Santa,

I got bupkis from the real Santa Claus last year, so this year I'm writing you. Please leave a bottle of gin in my stocking. I've been a very good girl this year, so I think I deserve the good stuff.

Happy Holidays,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'd also like a Fraggle Stick Car.

P.P.S. - If you end up drinkin' the gin yourself, at least send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture.