I'm a Teenager!

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday dear Weasel,
Happy birthday to me!

I'm thirteen years old today. Beware my terrible teens!

Hugh Hefner Responds

Today I received a reply from Mr. Hugh Hefner. He sure has some snazzy jammies.

To read my letter to Mr. Hefner and to see his reply, click here-->Link

Stephanie Miller Responds

Today I received a reply from radio talk show host and all-around funny gal Stephanie Miller!

To read my letter to Stephanie and to see her response, click here-->Link

To Hugh Hefner

Dear Mr. Hefner,

You should find a nice girl your own age and settle down. I hear Betty White is available.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also like to chase bunnies.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. My photo is for your eyes only. I better not see it printed in your magazine.


The Reply:

Dear Fan,

Due to a heavy workload.[sic] Hugh Hefner is unable to personally sign any autographs at this time. The enclosed photograph has a pre-printed signature.

Thank you,
Office of Hugh M. Hefner

Please call 1-800-423-9494 for a catalog of Playboy products or back issues. Or visit out [sic] website at www.Playboy.com


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for the picture of the old man in his jammies. I hope part of Mr. Hefner's workload consists of hiring new office staff that are more adept at proofreading.

To Alfred E. Neuman

Dear Mr. Neuman,

You don't appear to have aged a day since 1956. What is the secret of your youthful appearance? Do you bathe in the blood of virgins; or do you have a painting locked in a room that is aging in your place?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - How many more must suffer due to your incessant lust for youth and fame?

P.P.S. - I am adorable without having struck an unholy bargain with the forces of darkness. I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.

To Stephanie Miller

Dear Stephanie,

Why are you always making jokes about beavers? I don't get it. I can't think of anything less funny than a beaver. I've tried foolin' around with some, and believe me, beavers are all business. Have you ever managed to amuse a beaver?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - While I don't think beavers are very funny, I have to admit that some of them smell kinda funny. Ha, ha.

P.P.S. - You are more delightful than any beaver I've ever encountered. Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture.


The Reply:


Weasel,

XO

Steph


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Steph,

XO
XXO
O X

Tic Tac Toe! I win!

Weasel McPuppy

To Joel McHale

Dear Mr. McHale,

I'm glad you changed the name of your show from Talk Soup to The Soup, 'cause I'm pretty sure that talk soup would taste like spittle. What does your soup taste like?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you made your soup out of peanut butter, bananas, and French fries, you would make this doggy very happy.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe some peanut butter, banana, and French fry soup.

The Amazing Kreskin Responds

Today I received a response from the Amazing Kreskin. I wonder if he opened my letter or if he divined the contents with the power of his mind.

To read my letter to Mr. Kreskin and to see his response, click here-->Link

Henry Winkler Responds

Yesterday I received a response from Fonzie! It was cool. How could it not be?

To read my original letter to Mr. Winkler and to see his response, click here-->Link

To the Amazing Kreskin

Dear Mr. Kreskin,

I've heard you say that you don't employ stooges or confederates. What about headliners or Yankees?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'm not sure your hiring practices are strictly legal.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'm surprised I haven't already received it, because I'm sure you foresaw this letter.


The Reply:


To Weasel McPuppy,

Whom I'd love to meet,

ESPecially,

Kreskin


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Mr. Kreskin,

Your response made this doggy very happy. But why am I telling you that? You probably already used your creepy brain powers to read my mind.

A Twofer: To Anson Williams and Henry Winkler

Dear Mr. Williams,

I heard that Bernie Madoff was just convicted for running a Potsie scheme. How have you been getting away with it all of these years?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Then again, I might have heard wrong. Maybe it was a Fonzie scheme. I should probably write to Mr. Winkler.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. If you don't send your photo, you can "sit on it!"



Dear Mr. Winkler,

I heard that Bernie Madoff was just convicted for running a Fonzie scheme. How have you been getting away with it all of these years?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Then again, I might have heard wrong. Maybe it was a Potsie scheme. I should probably write to Mr. Williams.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I think my letter writing campaign just jumped the shark.


The Reply:


How cool is Weasel or "The Weas" as we call him

Henry Winkler 3/23/09


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

I am very cool, and so are you, Mr. Winkler. However, I'm not a "him." I'm a "her." Incorrectamundo.

Julie Andrews Responds

Today I received a beautiful photo from a very classy lady--Ms. Julie Andrews.

To read my letter to Ms. Andrews and to see her response, click here-->Link

Kool-Aid Man's Spokesperson Responds

Today I received a reply from one of Kool-Aid Man's people. Who knew Kool-Aid Man had people?

To read my letter to Kool-Aid Man and to see the response, click here-->Link

Animal Planet Responds

This week I received a reply from Animal Planet regarding my letter about Puppy Bowl V.

To see my letter to Animal Planet and to read their reply, click here-->Link

To Kool-Aid Man

Dear Mr. Kool-Aid Man,

Please stop bustin' through my fence. I've rebuilt it four times already; and every time I get it finished, some wise guy yells "Hey, Kool-Aid!" I don't think it's very funny.

Sincerely,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Please desist. I am neither hot nor thirsty.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'd like to have it to show the authorities, should you do any more damage to my property.


The Reply:


Dear Weasel McPuppy,

Thanks for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience.

We always like to acknowledge when customers provide us with information that can help us serve you better.

I'll make sure to forward your information onto the appropriate staff.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,
Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Customer Relations
Ref: 18805597Y


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for the letter. However, if you really wanted to serve me better, you'd put a leash on that anthropomorphic pitcher of yours.

Sincerely,
18805597Y

Jerry Lewis Responds

Today I received a reply from Mr. "Hey Laaaaaaaaaady!"

To read my letter to Mr. Lewis and to see his fantastic response, click here-->Link

To Animal Planet

Dear Animal Planet,

I watch the Puppy Bowl every year, and I haven't seen a single Maltese. What gives? Are Maltese so awesome they would make the other puppies look bad?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - And what was with all the confetti during the Kitty Half-Time Show? It looked like Rip Taylor exploded.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please keep it in on file in case you need an adorable doggy around which to build a show. You can send me something in return if you wanna... preferably something delicious.


The Reply:


Dear Weasel,

Thank you for contacting Animal Planet. We appreciate your interest in Puppy Bowl V!

For the first time ever, all of our puppy athletes were from local shelters, and thankfully, every puppy was adopted into a good home following the filming of Puppy Bowl in the fall.

Since all the "participants" were from local shelters, we do not have the ability to choose the breeds seen on the show. This might explain the lack of Maltese on the show.

For additional information on Puppy Bowl and its participants, please visit www.animalplanet.com

Sincerely,

Viewer Relations
Animal Planet


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for taking the time to write back to a little doggy. I salute your good work. Keep fighting the good fight!

To Julie Andrews

Dear Ms. Poppins,

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but what if that medicine is insulin? I bet ya didn't think of that, Miss Practically Perfect.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Nannying is great and all; but maybe you should focus your magical powers on the financial crisis or the turmoil in the Middle East.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. As you can see, I'm also practically perfect in every way.


The Reply:


Sincerely,
Julie Andrews


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for the lovely picture, Ms. Andrews. You are practically perfect in every way.

To Jerry Lewis

Dear Mr. Lewis,

I think your pantomime scenes are brilliant. You should shut up more often.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I meant that as a compliment, but I'm not sure it came out right. I really think your idiocy is unsurpassed.

P.P.S. - I don't think that came out right either. Oh well. I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.


The Reply:


To Weasel--
from Paulie--
(& his Dad, Jerry Lewis)
'09


A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Hey Paaaaauuuullliiieee! Did I sound like your daddy?

Thank you for the great picture, and please thank your daddy as well.

To Patty Duke

Dear Ms. Duke,

Does a hot dog still make you lose control? That sounds kinda dirty.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - French fries make me lose control.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture... and maybe one of your identical cousin.