The Weasel McPuppy Letters

I'm a Teenager!

2009-10-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday dear Weasel,
Happy birthday to me!

I'm thirteen years old today. Beware my terrible teens!

Hugh Hefner Responds

2009-07-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

Today I received a reply from Mr. Hugh Hefner. He sure has some snazzy jammies.

To read my letter to Mr. Hefner and to see his reply, click here-->Link

Stephanie Miller Responds

2009-07-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

Today I received a reply from radio talk show host and all-around funny gal Stephanie Miller!

To read my letter to Stephanie and to see her response, click here-->Link

To Hugh Hefner

2009-07-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Hefner,

You should find a nice girl your own age and settle down. I hear Betty White is available.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also like to chase bunnies.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. My photo is for your eyes only. I better not see it printed in your magazine.

The Reply:

Dear Fan,

Due to a heavy workload.[sic] Hugh Hefner is unable to personally sign any autographs at this time. The enclosed photograph has a pre-printed signature.

Thank you,
Office of Hugh M. Hefner

Please call 1-800-423-9494 for a catalog of Playboy products or back issues. Or visit out [sic] website at www.Playboy.com

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for the picture of the old man in his jammies. I hope part of Mr. Hefner's workload consists of hiring new office staff that are more adept at proofreading.

To Alfred E. Neuman

2009-06-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Neuman,

You don't appear to have aged a day since 1956. What is the secret of your youthful appearance? Do you bathe in the blood of virgins; or do you have a painting locked in a room that is aging in your place?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - How many more must suffer due to your incessant lust for youth and fame?

P.P.S. - I am adorable without having struck an unholy bargain with the forces of darkness. I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.

To Stephanie Miller

2009-06-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Stephanie,

Why are you always making jokes about beavers? I don't get it. I can't think of anything less funny than a beaver. I've tried foolin' around with some, and believe me, beavers are all business. Have you ever managed to amuse a beaver?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - While I don't think beavers are very funny, I have to admit that some of them smell kinda funny. Ha, ha.

P.P.S. - You are more delightful than any beaver I've ever encountered. Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture.

The Reply:

Weasel,

XO

Steph

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Steph,

XO
XXO
O X

Tic Tac Toe! I win!

Weasel McPuppy

To Joel McHale

2009-06-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. McHale,

I'm glad you changed the name of your show from Talk Soup to The Soup, 'cause I'm pretty sure that talk soup would taste like spittle. What does your soup taste like?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you made your soup out of peanut butter, bananas, and French fries, you would make this doggy very happy.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe some peanut butter, banana, and French fry soup.

The Amazing Kreskin Responds

2009-04-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today I received a response from the Amazing Kreskin. I wonder if he opened my letter or if he divined the contents with the power of his mind.

To read my letter to Mr. Kreskin and to see his response, click here-->Link

Henry Winkler Responds

2009-03-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a response from Fonzie! It was cool. How could it not be?

To read my original letter to Mr. Winkler and to see his response, click here-->Link

To the Amazing Kreskin

2009-03-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Kreskin,

I've heard you say that you don't employ stooges or confederates. What about headliners or Yankees?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'm not sure your hiring practices are strictly legal.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'm surprised I haven't already received it, because I'm sure you foresaw this letter.

The Reply:

To Weasel McPuppy,

Whom I'd love to meet,

ESPecially,

Kreskin

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Mr. Kreskin,

Your response made this doggy very happy. But why am I telling you that? You probably already used your creepy brain powers to read my mind.

A Twofer: To Anson Williams and Henry Winkler

2009-03-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Williams,

I heard that Bernie Madoff was just convicted for running a Potsie scheme. How have you been getting away with it all of these years?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Then again, I might have heard wrong. Maybe it was a Fonzie scheme. I should probably write to Mr. Winkler.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. If you don't send your photo, you can "sit on it!"

Dear Mr. Winkler,

I heard that Bernie Madoff was just convicted for running a Fonzie scheme. How have you been getting away with it all of these years?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Then again, I might have heard wrong. Maybe it was a Potsie scheme. I should probably write to Mr. Williams.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I think my letter writing campaign just jumped the shark.

The Reply:

How cool is Weasel or "The Weas" as we call him

Henry Winkler 3/23/09

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

I am very cool, and so are you, Mr. Winkler. However, I'm not a "him." I'm a "her." Incorrectamundo.

Julie Andrews Responds

2009-03-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today I received a beautiful photo from a very classy lady--Ms. Julie Andrews.

To read my letter to Ms. Andrews and to see her response, click here-->Link

Kool-Aid Man's Spokesperson Responds

2009-03-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

Today I received a reply from one of Kool-Aid Man's people. Who knew Kool-Aid Man had people?

To read my letter to Kool-Aid Man and to see the response, click here-->Link

Animal Planet Responds

2009-03-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

This week I received a reply from Animal Planet regarding my letter about Puppy Bowl V.

To see my letter to Animal Planet and to read their reply, click here-->Link

To Kool-Aid Man

2009-02-15T11:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Kool-Aid Man,

Please stop bustin' through my fence. I've rebuilt it four times already; and every time I get it finished, some wise guy yells "Hey, Kool-Aid!" I don't think it's very funny.

Sincerely,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Please desist. I am neither hot nor thirsty.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'd like to have it to show the authorities, should you do any more damage to my property.

The Reply:

Dear Weasel McPuppy,

Thanks for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience.

We always like to acknowledge when customers provide us with information that can help us serve you better.

I'll make sure to forward your information onto the appropriate staff.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Sincerely,
Kim McMiller
Associate Director, Customer Relations
Ref: 18805597Y

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for the letter. However, if you really wanted to serve me better, you'd put a leash on that anthropomorphic pitcher of yours.

Sincerely,
18805597Y

Jerry Lewis Responds

2009-02-09T14:58:00.000-08:00

Today I received a reply from Mr. "Hey Laaaaaaaaaady!"

To read my letter to Mr. Lewis and to see his fantastic response, click here-->Link

To Animal Planet

2009-02-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Animal Planet,

I watch the Puppy Bowl every year, and I haven't seen a single Maltese. What gives? Are Maltese so awesome they would make the other puppies look bad?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - And what was with all the confetti during the Kitty Half-Time Show? It looked like Rip Taylor exploded.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please keep it in on file in case you need an adorable doggy around which to build a show. You can send me something in return if you wanna... preferably something delicious.

The Reply:

Dear Weasel,

Thank you for contacting Animal Planet. We appreciate your interest in Puppy Bowl V!

For the first time ever, all of our puppy athletes were from local shelters, and thankfully, every puppy was adopted into a good home following the filming of Puppy Bowl in the fall.

Since all the "participants" were from local shelters, we do not have the ability to choose the breeds seen on the show. This might explain the lack of Maltese on the show.

For additional information on Puppy Bowl and its participants, please visit www.animalplanet.com

Sincerely,

Viewer Relations
Animal Planet

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for taking the time to write back to a little doggy. I salute your good work. Keep fighting the good fight!

To Julie Andrews

2009-01-23T15:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. Poppins,

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, but what if that medicine is insulin? I bet ya didn't think of that, Miss Practically Perfect.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Nannying is great and all; but maybe you should focus your magical powers on the financial crisis or the turmoil in the Middle East.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. As you can see, I'm also practically perfect in every way.

The Reply:

Sincerely,
Julie Andrews

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you for the lovely picture, Ms. Andrews. You are practically perfect in every way.

To Jerry Lewis

2009-01-23T15:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Lewis,

I think your pantomime scenes are brilliant. You should shut up more often.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I meant that as a compliment, but I'm not sure it came out right. I really think your idiocy is unsurpassed.

P.P.S. - I don't think that came out right either. Oh well. I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.

The Reply:

To Weasel--
from Paulie--
(& his Dad, Jerry Lewis)
'09

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Hey Paaaaauuuullliiieee! Did I sound like your daddy?

Thank you for the great picture, and please thank your daddy as well.

To Patty Duke

2009-01-23T15:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. Duke,

Does a hot dog still make you lose control? That sounds kinda dirty.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - French fries make me lose control.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture... and maybe one of your identical cousin.

To Billy Bob Thornton

2008-12-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Bad Santa,

I got bupkis from the real Santa Claus last year, so this year I'm writing you. Please leave a bottle of gin in my stocking. I've been a very good girl this year, so I think I deserve the good stuff.

Happy Holidays,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'd also like a Fraggle Stick Car.

P.P.S. - If you end up drinkin' the gin yourself, at least send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture.

Congratulations, President-elect Obama!

2008-11-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

Dear President-elect Obama,

Congratulations on your historic win! I hope my endorsement played a small part in your victory.

By the way, I hear you will be getting a puppy for your daughters, Malia and Sasha. Did you know that Maltese doggies are extremely cute and lovable? Hint, hint.

Your friend,

Weasel Hussein McPuppy

P.S. - Maltese are also smart, loyal, and can hold their liquor.

P.P.S. - I've been hearing some Labrador rumors, but I don't believe 'em.

Guess Who's the Birthday Girl!

2008-10-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to me! I turn 12 years old today. I'd think twice about making any wisecracks about dog years. My bite is worse than my bark.

By the way, if you don't know what to get me for my special day, Plymouth Gin is my favorite. It's s-m-o-o-t-h!

Lynda Carter Responds

2008-10-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

I received a reply from a wonderful woman. Make that Wonder Woman!

To see my letter to Lynda Carter and to read her response, click here-->Link

Charo Responds... For Real This Time!

2008-09-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

Today I received a reply directly from Charo (rather than a letter from some guy claiming to represent her). She sent me a beautiful, personalized photo!

To read my original letter to Charo and to see her lovely response, click here-->Link

To Mr. T

2008-09-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. T,

If ya don't mind me askin'; what does the "T" stand for? Tank? Turnbuckle? Twinkletoes? Terwilliker? Tea?

Just curious,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You are very kind to pity fools.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I'll be very happy if I receive your photo, 'cause I love it when a plan comes together.

Bill Murray Responds

2008-07-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

I also received a response from Mr. Bill Murray today. He autographed a baseball schedule from one of his minor league teams. That's uber cool! I didn't think Mr. Murray sent autographs.

To read my letter to Mr. Murray and to see his response, click here-->Link

Kelly LeBrock Responds

2008-07-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today I received two replies to my little letters. The first came from the lovely, Ms. Kelly LeBrock.

To read my original letter to Ms. LeBrock and to read her reply, click here-->Link

To Sharon Stone

2008-07-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Catherine Tramell,

For the love of Benji, would ya put on some underpants?!

Please keep in mind that I'm a little doggy, so I'm very low to the ground. I really don't need to be seein' that.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. It will be nice to see you from a different angle for a change.

To Rip Taylor

2008-07-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Taylor,

I've completely run out of wigs and confetti. Can I borrow some?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I know it must sound strange for me to be askin' to borrow a wig, bein' that I'm completely covered in fur. But even little doggies like to play "dress up."

P.P.S. - If you can't spare any wigs or confetti, please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. Do I look like a $1.98 Beauty Queen?

Jim Oberweis Responds... Strangely

2008-07-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

I received a response (of a sort) from Jim Oberweis. This has to be the oddest reply I've received yet.

To read my letter to Mr. Oberweis and see his reply, click here-->Link

To Richard Simmons

2008-06-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Simmons,

The other night I was playin' poker with the rest of the doggies, and we got so drunk we accidentally used a deck of Deal-A-Meal cards. Not only did I win twelve bucks; I lost three pounds!

Thanks,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - That joke would have killed back in 1987.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. You should have seen how I looked before I started 'sweatin' to the oldies.'

To Jim Oberweis

2008-06-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Dairy,

This was supposed to be a diary entry, but I'm slightly dyslexic. Ha, ha.

Actually, I understand you make chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavored milk. Have you ever considered making gin-flavored? It would be very popular with little doggies and Liza Minnelli.

Think about it,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Say "hi" to the cows for me.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe some gin-flavored milk.

The Reply:

(Blank stationary)

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Uh, thanks, Mr. Oberweis... I guess. Do you realize you sent me blank stationary? Ya know, if you didn't want to respond to my letter, you didn't have to send anything.

I can see why you keep losin' elections. You're a weirdo.

Clint Eastwood Responds

2008-06-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

I received an autographed picture today from Mr. Clint Eastwood! Hey, if he's "the man with no name," how'd he sign it?

To read my letter to Mr. Eastwood and to see his response, click here-->Link

To Lou Ferrigno

2008-06-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Hulk,

You are very strong and bulgy. Will you be my friend? You don't smash little doggies; do ya?

Your friend (hopefully),

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - No one stronger than Weasel. Weasel the strongest one there is. Ha, ha.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. What do you think of my muscles?

To Crystal Gayle

2008-05-31T15:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Ms. Gayle,

I hear that your hair reaches all the way to the floor. What do you do with it when you go to the bathroom?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Do you throw it over your face like Cousin It?

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Be sure to move your hair so I can see if your brown eyes are blue.

To Jim Belushi

2008-05-21T21:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Belushi,

I hear that According to Jim has been picked up for an eighth season. Tell me the truth; did you make a deal with the devil?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - In the world "according to Weasel," your show has been canceled, and Arrested Development is the most popular show on television.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Another season? Really?

The Hamburglar's Spokesperson Responds

2008-05-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

Today I received a reply from a spokesperson for the Hamburglar. The Hamburglar has a spokesperson?

To read my letter to the Hamburglar and to read the reply, click here-->Link

Dom DeLuise Responds

2008-05-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

Today Mr. Dom DeLuise sent me a beautiful autographed photo. He truly is Dominick the Great.

To read my letter to Mr. DeLuise and to see his reply, click here-->Link

To Dr. Phil

2008-05-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Dr. Phil,

You say some pretty dumb things. Do you really have a doctorate, or are you like Dr. J?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Do you have a ruthless dunk?

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. I have a little bit of a mustache too.

To the Hamburglar

2008-05-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Hamburglar,

Robble-robble. Robble, robble robble robble robble robble robble... robble. Robble-robble-robble. Robble.

Your robble-robble friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Robble-robble. Robble robble reward-robble. Robble-lam.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my robble-robble picture. Robble-please send me your robble-picture, robble.

The Reply:

Dear Weasel McPuppy,

Thank you so much for sending us a picture of you. The smile on your McPuppy face made us smile too! Unfortunately, we have been trying to track down photos of the Hamburglar for a while, with no luck. It seems the rascal has burgled his photos as well as McDonald's hamburgers. The Hamburglar is having fun romping around McDonaldland. Hopefully, someday soon when he isn't so camera-shy, we can snap a quick photo before he makes a get-away. But as you may know Weasel McPuppy, that Hamburglar is a quick one! Again, thank you for contacting us and we hope you have a robble-robble wonderful summer!

Your McFriend,

Kerri Redd
McDonald's Corporation
Customer Satisfaction Department

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks for taking the time to write to a little doggy. If you can't get a good photo of the Hamburglar, please send French fries!

To Richard Belzer

2008-04-30T19:18:00.001-07:00

Dear Mr. Belzer,

I understand you've appeared as Detective John Munch on ten separate series. I'd like to see Munch visit a few more, because there are a lot of shows that could benefit from a good homicide. Please thin the herd on the following shows:

30-Minute Meals with Rachael Ray
According to Jim
America's Next Top Model
Blues Clues
Friday Night Smackdown
Lou Dobbs Tonight
One Tree Hill
Supernanny
The O'Reilly Factor
Wheel of Fortune

Thank you.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you have access to a time machine, please pay a visit to The Patty Duke Show. There was one Patty Duke too many if you ask me.

P.P.S. - I wanna be a TV cop, just like you. Is there a height requirement? I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture.

To Dom DeLuise

2008-04-07T14:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. DeLuise,

You are very underrated as an actor. Sure, it's easy for Peter O'Toole to look good when he's starring in Lawrence of Arabia; but it's not so easy to look good when you're starring in The Silence of the Hams. You deserve more respect.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - When you kiss Burt Reynolds, does his mustache tickle?

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, and maybe one of your friend Captain Chaos.

The Reply:

Weasel,

Love,

Dom DeLuise ♥XX

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you for the lovely picture, Mr. DeLuise. ♥XX right back at ya!

To Bill Murray

2008-04-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Murray,

What did you whisper in Scarlett Johansson's ear at the end of Lost in Translation? I'm guessin' it had somethin' to do with the Chicago Cubs.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Go Cubbies!

P.P.S. - If you can't tell me what you whispered, could you maybe send me your picture instead? I've enclosed my picture.

The Reply:

Me.

Bill Murray

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thanks, Mr. Murray, for signing a baseball schedule from one of your minor league teams. I still wanna know what you whispered to Scarlett Johansson, though. Was it dirty?

Doris Day Responds

2008-03-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today I received a lovely autographed photo from Ms. Doris Day and her doggy.

To read my original letter to Ms. Day and to read her reply, click here-->Link

Frank Oz Responds

2008-03-17T17:21:00.000-07:00

Today I received an autographed photo and a personal note from Mr. Frank Oz. That's super nice. You can bet that I'll be "Doin' the Pidgeon" tonight!

To read my letter to Mr. Oz and to read his response, click here-->Link

Dick Van Dyke Responds

2008-03-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

The good news is I received a reply from Mr. Dick Van Dyke. The bad news is I can't get that "I Am a Fine Musician" song out of my head.

To read my letter to Mr. Van Dyke and to see his reply, click here-->Link

No Endorsement From Beatrice Hemoglobin McPuppy; Wants Food

2008-03-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

Mrs. Beatrice Hemoglobin 'Taint Fit Night Out For Man Nor Beast McPuppy has yet to make an endorsement in the 2008 Presidential race. As the only McPuppy sibling yet to commit to a candidate, her backing has been much sought after. "I'm keeping my options open," she told reporters. "I'll back the first person who feeds me."

When asked if she was leaning toward any particular candidate, Beatrice answered, "All things being equal, I'll probably go with Nader." She went to explain, "I like to sleep, and I doze off every time he opens his mouth."

Biminy Midget McPuppy Endorses Gravel

2008-03-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

After yesterday's political announcements from Weasel and Henry McPuppy, their sister, Biminy Midget Ignatz Ratzkywatzky McPuppy, craved her moment in the spotlight. "I'm for Mike Gravel," she told a small gathering.

When asked how she had arrived at her decision, Biminy responded, "I does what I likes!" She then bit one of the reporters, bringing the interview to an abrupt end.

Henry McPuppy Declares Differing Viewpoint On Obama

2008-03-05T15:56:00.000-08:00

In response to Weasel McPuppy's endorsement of Barack Obama earlier today, younger sibling, Grandpa Henry Swe'gen McPuppy had this to say: "I thought an Obama was a cookie." He quickly added, "I want a cookie."

It is unclear at this time whether the latter comment represented an endorsement of Senator Obama.

In an unrelated story, Henry McPuppy urinated on his own foot.

Weasel McPuppy Endorses Obama; Adopts "Hussein" As Middle Name

2008-03-05T14:55:00.000-08:00

Noted canine pen pal to the stars, Weasel McPuppy, formally endorsed Presidential candidate Barack Obama in a sparsely attended press conference Wednesday. "I can stay silent no longer," Ms. McPuppy said, "Senator Obama has the intelligence, temperament, and common sense we so desperately need in our next President."

Although Weasel McPuppy stated that she did not dislike Senator Hillary Clinton, she did express dismay at Clinton's recent "fear-based" attacks on her rival. "It isn't nice to be scary," McPuppy noted.

In a show of solidarity with Senator Obama, Weasel pledged to adopt the middle name of "Hussein" throughout the remainder of the campaign. "The Internet conspiracies surrounding Senator Obama are ridiculous," McPuppy went on to say. "If Al-Qaeda wanted to plant a sleeper agent in the U.S., they wouldn't use someone with a conspicuous name like Barack Obama. If you ask me, I'd be more concerned about Mitt Romney."

To Cher,

2008-03-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Cher,

If I could turn back time, I'd strongly urge you to reconsider some of your outfits.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture... but tone it down, would ya.

To Sir Anthony Hopkins

2008-02-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Dr. Lecter,

Why are you always eating people? Are you on the Atkins diet?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I don't get your fascination with human flesh. I bit one of my people once; and honestly, it didn't taste that good.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without your cool restraint mask.

Geoffrey Rush Responds

2008-02-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

I received a cool response from Geoffrey Rush today. Thank ye, Cap'n Barbossa!

To read my letter to Mr. Rush and to see his reply, click here-->Link

Tim Allen Responds

2008-02-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received an autographed photo from Santa Claus, otherwise known as Mr. Tim Allen.

To read my letter to Mr. Allen and to see his reply, click here-->Link

To Danny DeVito

2008-02-14T20:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. DeVito,

I think you are one of the most dedicated and persistent people in Hollywood, because it isn't easy to get drunk on Limoncello. Your young co-stars on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia could learn a lot from your stick-to-itiveness.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I hear you are now marketing your own brand of Premium Limoncello. If Dale Carnegie was still alive, he'd have to update his "when fate hands you a lemon" quote.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, and maybe some of your Premium Limoncello.

To Lassie

2008-02-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Lassie,

How many times has Timmy fallen down the well? If I were you, I'd keep that kid on a leash.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Saving Timmy is pretty good, I guess. But have you ever tried something really hard... like learning to type?

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. You'll notice it's autographed, because I can write in longhand too.

Kenny Rogers Responds

2008-02-09T09:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a large autographed photo of the Gambler himself, Mr. Kenny Rogers.

To read my original letter to Mr. Rogers and to see his reply, click here-->Link

To Leonard Nimoy

2008-02-08T15:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Nimoy,

Before I watched Star Trek, I didn't know that people with goatees were evil. Thank you for teaching me this important life lesson. In the future, I will be more careful when dealing with bearded types.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Were you wearing your "Mirror, Mirror" goatee when you recorded "If I Had a Hammer?" That would explain a few things.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without the malevolent facial hair.

William Shatner Responds

2008-02-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

Today I received a letter and picture from Mr. William Shatner. Maybe we will develop a bond of friendship like Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.

To read my letter to Mr. Shatner and to see his reply, click here-->Link

Esther Williams Responds

2008-01-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

Today I received a reply from Ms. Esther Williams. She's a very classy lady.

To read my letter to Ms. Williams and to see her response, click HERE.

To Kenny Rogers

2008-01-25T16:07:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Rogers,

Just saying "you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run" isn't very helpful. Please elaborate.

Thank you,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I'm losin' my shirt to the other doggies when we play cards. I'd appreciate a little help here.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, along with your poker tips.

The Reply:

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you for your autograph, Mr. Rogers, but I don't see how that helps me with my gambling problem.

To Ryan Seacrest

2008-01-24T16:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Seacrest,

Why are you famous? No, really. I don't get it.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. It would mean a lot to me if you would send me your picture... although I don't know why.

Charo Responds... Sorta

2008-01-24T16:19:00.000-08:00

I received a letter from Charo's booking agent today. I've updated the original post with the reply. To read the response, click on the link--> Here!

To Elvis Costello

2008-01-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Costello,

You are very funny when you do the "Who's on First" routine. I also like many of your songs.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Preferably one without Abbott, because he is mean.

David Tennant Responds

2008-01-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

I received a reply from Mr. David Tennant today! He's such a good Doctor.

To read my original letter to Mr. Tennant and to see his response, click here--> Link

To Sid Caesar

2008-01-08T20:02:00.001-08:00

Dear Mr. Caesar,

I like it when you speak double-talk in foreign dialects. It's almost as funny as when the President speaks double-talk in English... almost.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you want to top our chief executive, maybe you should try triple-talk.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. You can sign it in double-writing if you wanna.

To Weasel McPuppy

2008-01-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. McPuppy,

You are cute and lovable. Wait a minute. I'm looking in a mirror.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - There's no reason for us to exchange pictures, because I'm you.

To George Clooney

2008-01-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Clooney,

I love your work! I just picked up copies of Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen; but I don't think I should watch them until I've seen Ocean's One through Ten. I can't seem to find the earlier movies anywhere. Do you have copies?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you can't help me locate the videos, maybe you could send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture.

To William Shatner

2007-12-30T22:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Shatner,

I bought a Captain Kirk action figure, but it wasn't anatomically correct. Please send me a replacement.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - If you can't mail me a new action figure, please send me your picture instead. I've enclosed my picture.

The Reply:

Dear Friend,

It has always been my desire to be able to speak directly to you who have so generously supported my career over the years. Unfortunately, time and distance make this almost impossible. Nonetheless, I want you to know how very much I do appreciate your letters and your love.

In this world today with so much hurt and strife we need to reach out more than ever to one another, to make the connection, and that's we (sic) try to do through my fan club, Shatner & Friends International, and through my website at WilliamShatner.com. We reach out to each other in friendship. Through the Club we can talk, exchange ideas and I can keep you apprised of my latest activities.

Thank you again for writing and I look forward to continuing friendships. Be happy.

My Best,

William Shatner

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Shatner, for the puppy-sized photo. I'm not sure how joining a fan club will help improve this world today with so much hurt and strife, but you probably know better than I do. I am just a little doggy, and you are a starship captain.

Live long and prosper,

Weasel McPuppy

To Tim Allen

2007-12-26T19:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I was a good little girl this year, and what did you leave in my stocking? Bupkis. What's up with that, fat man?

Disappointed,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. It won't make up for the lack of presents, but it's a start.

The Reply:

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Santa, for the autographed photo. Have you lost weight?

Johnny Depp Responds

2007-12-20T16:16:00.001-08:00

I also received a response from some actor named Johnny Depp. You may have heard of him.

To read my letter to Mr. Depp and to see his reply, click here--> Link

Zach Galifianakis Responds

2007-12-20T16:10:00.000-08:00

I received two responses in the mail today. The first is from the hilarious stand-up comedian Zach Galifianakis. Remember that name if you can.

To read my letter to Mr. Galifianakis and his reply, click here--> Link

To Garry Trudeau

2007-12-18T07:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Trudeau,

Your comic strip is more insightful than anything found on the editorial pages of the newspaper, but it doesn't lend itself very well to merchandising. Maybe you should add a cute animal sidekick.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I hear Maltese doggies are very cute. You could even name the character Weasel if you wanna.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture; or a drawing would be just as good.

Don Rickles Responds

2007-12-17T19:35:00.000-08:00

Today I received a reply from my hero, Mr. Warmth himself, Don Rickles!

To read my letter to Mr. Rickles and to see his response, please click here--> Link

To Tom Cruise

2007-12-13T15:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Cruise,

You were very convincing as the Lucky Charms guy in Far and Away. Are you really a leprechaun? You can tell me. I promise I won't steal your gold.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Tom Cruise isn't a very good leprechaun name. Did you change it? I think you look more like a Paddy O'Taters.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe a four-leaf clover.

Joan Rivers Responds

2007-12-10T15:02:00.000-08:00

Today I received my coolest response yet from Ms. Joan Rivers.

To read my letter to Ms. Rivers and to see her reply, click here--> Link

To Goldie Hawn

2007-12-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. Hawn,

I'm glad to see that you had your Laugh-In tattoos removed. I hope it wasn't too painful.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also hear you are a Jewish Buddhist. That is very smart of you--more holidays!

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without the tattoos.

To Jay Leno

2007-12-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Leno,

I hear you own over fifty cars. How many butts do you have?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe one of your extra cars.

To Zach Galifianakis

2007-11-30T15:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Galifianakis,

You are super funny! You should be a big star, but you'll never be a household name with a moniker like "Zach Galifianakis." Have you thought about using a stage name? Here are some suggestions:

Zack Galifianakis
Jeb Galifianakis
Biff Galifianakis
Shecky Galifianakis
Ignatz Galifianakis
Galifianakis the Great
Captain Ha-Ha

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You could always go by "Weirdo Beardo."

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. You can sign it any way you wanna.

The Reply:

My thoughts are with you.

Zach Galifianakis

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Galifianakis, for saying your thoughts are with me. However, since you have some pretty odd thoughts, that may not be entirely good.

Sally Field Responds

2007-11-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

I also received a personalized autographed photo from Ms. Sally Field. Yippee!

To read my letter to Ms. Field and her response, click here --> Link

Eartha Kitt Responds

2007-11-30T15:24:00.000-08:00

I received two replies today. The first was a very nice autographed picture of Ms. Eartha Kitt.

To see my original letter to Ms. Kitt and the reply, click here --> Link

To Keith Richards

2007-11-28T15:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Richards,

I like your music, but I can't understand a word you say. Please enunciate. Is that so hard?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Maybe you should see a speech therapist.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed an autographed picture. Please send me an autographed picture. I sure hope your handwriting is better than your diction.

To Charo

2007-11-26T08:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Charo,

What does "cuchi-cuchi" mean? I hope you aren't saying anything dirty.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You are a great guitar player. You don't need to work blue.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, and try not to write anything dirty on it.

The First Reply:

Dear Loyal Fan,

In regards to your request for an autographed picture of Charo, please send a self-addressed stamped envolope (sic) alon... $35.00 US if we provide the photo ($30.00 US to autograph your photo) PER ITEM, made out to:

Scott stander and Associates Client fund Account.

Indicate where and how you would like it signed.
our address is on the front of this postcard. (It wasn't.) please allow time to process the order.

www.scottstander.com

A Note From Weasel Regarding the First Reply:

Dear Charo,

I can see your booking agent needs to buy spell checking software, but maybe begging money off little doggies isn't the best way to get it. I wish you luck.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Why did you return my photo? Don't you like pictures of cute doggies?

The Second Reply:

To Weasel,

Love and cuchi-cuchi,

Charo

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Second Reply:

Dear Ms. Charo,

Thank you for the beautiful picture. It was well worth the wait (and the run around from Scott Stander). I knew all along that you weren't the one trying to extort money from a poor little doggy. If you see Mr. Stander, please kick him in the cuchi-cuchis for me.

Love,

Weasel

To Esther Williams

2007-11-25T07:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. Williams,

Are you part mermaid? Please let me know. I've got five bucks ridin' on it.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I also like to do water ballet; but they won't let me in the public pool, because I'm a little doggy. I have to practice in a bucket.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, in or out of the water.

The Reply:

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Williams for the lovely photo. I'm going to go fill up my bucket and practice some more.

To Doris Day

2007-11-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Ms. Day,

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, "What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?" Here's what she said to me: "Ssh! Mommy's watching her stories. Now, freshen up my drink; will ya, hon?"

Que sera, sera,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I like the romantic comedies you made in the 1960's. You were the original 40-year-old virgin.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. I hear you are very nice to little doggies.

The Reply:

For "Weasel" McPuppy

With my love, a kiss and a hug.

Doris Day

and my "Honey"

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Day. I heard right. You are very nice to little doggies.

To Kim Fields

2007-11-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Tootie,

I really like saying "Tootie."

Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie.

Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie, Tootie!

Your Friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Tootie, Tootie, Tootie!

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Tootie, Tootie.

To Subway

2007-11-17T15:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Subway,

Why are you above ground?

Just wondering,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me a picture of one of your meatball sandwiches. Better yet, just send me one of your meatball sandwiches.

Dame Judi Dench Responds

2007-11-16T15:12:00.000-08:00

Today I received a reply from Dame Judi Dench mailed all the way from the England. I'm becoming very international.

To read my letter to Dame Judi and to see her response, click HERE.

HAIRCUT!!!

2007-11-15T15:16:00.001-08:00

No letters today.

I got my hair cut.

Ain't I cute?

To Sam Raimi

2007-11-13T15:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Raimi,

I just watched Spider-man 3. I'd like my 139 minutes back. Please invent a time machine or a youth serum or somethin'.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I enjoyed your other movies, even Crimewave. I guess, ya can't win 'em all.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture--maybe one of you sitting in "The Classic."

To Adam West

2007-11-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Batman,

I want to be just like you. I've got a Weaselcave, a Weaselmobile, a Weaselcomputer, and I've got a Weaselcopter on order. All I need is some crime to fight. Do you have any overflow work?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - You can contact me on the Weaselphone.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, with or without the cowl.

To Lynda Carter

2007-11-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Wonder Woman,

If I had a magic lasso that made people tell the truth, I'd use it on Dick Cheney. Hint, hint.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I can see you when you're flyin' around in your invisible plane. You're not foolin' anybody.

P.P.S. - Please send me your picture. I've enclosed my picture. Do I look like I could be an Amazon?

The Reply:

To Weasel

Love!
Lynda Carter

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Carter, for the lovely picture. If you threw your magic lasso around me, I'd have to admit that you are super cool!

To Geoffrey Rush

2007-11-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Captain Barbossa,

If I had cursed Aztec gold that made me immortal, I'd run for Congress. No term limits! Would you vote for me?

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture and maybe some cursed Aztec gold.

The Reply:

Weasel McPuppy!?

Best wishes,

Geoffrey Rush

A Note From Weasel McPuppy Regarding the Reply:

Two can play at that game, Mr. Rush. Many thanks for your imaginative response. Yarrr!

To Johnny Depp

2007-11-04T15:06:00.001-08:00

Dear Mr. Depp,

You are kooky. Some people think that's a good thing; but I wouldn't try gettin' a job in a bank if I were you.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture--the kookier the better.

The Reply:

All good wishes --

Johnny Depp

A Note From Weasel Regarding The Reply:

Thank you, Mr. Depp. I hope your movies continue to do well, so you don't have to get a job in a bank.

Albert Brooks Responds

2007-11-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

I received a reply today from Mr. Albert Brooks. Hooray!

I've updated the original post with his response. To read it, click here--> Link

To Sid Haig

2007-10-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Haig,

Don't feel bad that you were rejected by the devil. It might turn out to be a good thing.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Even though I'm afraid of clowns, I think you're funny. That is, when you're not going on a kill-crazy rampage.

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture, in or out of the clown makeup.

To David Tennant

2007-10-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Doctor,

Can you take me back in time to the day before my people had me fixed? We need to organize a rescue mission.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - Thank you for saving the Earth from certain doom time and time again. You deserve a vacation (but I hope you don't take one).

P.P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture before you regenerate.

The Reply:

To Weasel,

David Tennant

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Doctor. This will be a nice memento of our adventures. By the way, I'm feeling much friskier now.

To Eartha Kitt

2007-10-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

Dear Ms. Kitt,

I like to chase kitties. Do you still have the cat suit? Let's play.

Your friend,

Weasel McPuppy

P.S. - I've enclosed my picture. Please send me your picture. Preferably one of you dressed up like a kitty.

P.P.S. - You were a Kitt cat. Do you like Kit Kats?

The Reply:

A Note From Weasel Regarding the Reply:

Thank you, Ms. Kitt! You look very bendy.

Robin Williams Responds

2007-10-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

I received my first personalized reply today from Mr. Robin Williams.

Mr. Williams, you are okay in my book.

I've updated the original post with the response. You can read it here--> Link